Overthinking. One of things I hate the most about myself. Everywhere I am, everything I do, I tend to think too much sub-consciously. I try to find meaning in everything, I don’t do things because I’m told, I don’t go to places I don’t want to be in. I think and think, of every possible thing to think of. 391 what ifs pop up in my head, 514 whys just floods my mind from nowhere. It feels unnatural somehow and it makes me wonder, what the hell is wrong with me. Why is she doing that, what is he hiding, why is she so quiet, what the hell is he thinking, why do people act this way, is she genuine, what if everything was wrong, whats wrong with society, is the world a bad place? I think too much around people, am I too self conscious? Am I looking too hard for a reason? Alone seems easier, more carefree, nothing to think about, just me.
My mind is too active and I can’t seem to calm it down. I hate it, I don’t want to think, it really makes me tired, but I can’t seem to help it. Its like daemons, background processes of my brain, running sub-consciously, always there, always alive. They never stop, never pause, always active. I really don’t know how to fix it. Is this what I am? I really hate it. Maybe thats why I love to be high, to tone my daemons down, to get out of my brain. Maybe thats why I wanna get drunk, but it kinda seems impossible. I feel like I’m going crazy, and its not that I care too much about things, but it just comes as a curious thought, to be in awe of the answers to the questions I make up, to know more and more. And then I wonder, is there anyone like me?
Sháko Veragi 