I want to show you I care for you so deeply even to the point where even when I’m hurt and gather negative emotions/thoughts, I still think about you and how things might have made you feel. Yet sometimes you get so distant from me, as if my presence isn’t welcomed anymore, and I think to myself: maybe you need some space to yourself, in which if you let me know directly, I would be willing to give. At the very same time, I know how heart breaking and uneasy it feels to deal with everything alone, especially when it involves two people, dealing it together is always better than resolving your own heart by yourself – people always have to let everything inside, out eventually.
You are always the type to overthink things by yourself, not telling me anything for fear that it might hurt me. But it doesn’t, for I’m always worried for you, and I’m always constantly thinking what is going on in your mind even if you don’t wish to tell me.
~Do I care or do I give space
I want to you to be able to see me as someone completely dependable on, someone you can be fully mentally naked with and rely on regardless of whenever, be it when you feel like you’re all alone crawling in the darkness, be it when your entire world turns upside down any nothing seem to go right, I want to be there for you. Yet sometimes even when I’m here for you, it doesn’t seem to be helping you at all. As much as I am determined to stretch out my hand, maybe the hand isn’t appealing enough for you to reach it and grab hold of it.
Sometimes, I unknowingly hurt you even when that’s the least I’d ever wanted for you to feel. Which is why I question if being here is good for you, and if you don’t keep assuring me, you might one day just push me away and I might gladly allow you to do it, for maybe, that’s truly what you desire.
I could never compare myself to God, for I’m not perfect in any single way. His love will never be comparable to my love for you, but I still want to hold on to this imperfect love I have for you, and keep you close, protecting you whenever I can, offering help in whichever way you need it, as long as I can give. In the end I can only pray that I will be good for you.
~Am I supposed to be here for you or not
Sháko Veragi 